Proof of Magic

Today has been a long day even though the tiredness still has not gotten to me. I could have written this post any other day but the memory that inspired me to write will keep itself in the forefront of my mind until I record it somewhere. I think even my brain wants to keep the memory as alive as it still is, in my heart.

There are some things that I know about myself and one certain thing about me is I am a believer in the unknown. I believe in all the childish concepts that adults force out of their mind, in fear of being called impractical or unrealistic. I believe in magic, vampires, parallel universes, witchcraft and all the illogical things you could ever find in this world, including true love.

Day before yesterday though, I found myself proven right when I saw in front of me, magic working its way through the world even if it was just for a mere minute. I was walking back to my hostel along with two close friends of mine and only a five minute walk was left. On my left side, the boundary wall of our hostel was erected, with the gates. On my right side was a park with tall trees towering over me, hiding some of the structures of the teacher’s quarters. We were walking down and suddenly the lights went off. Everything was immersed into darkness but then the most beautiful sight came into light. The night became moon-lit and the streets were bathed in the white rays. It felt so right when I looked up and saw the White Lady smiling down at me. Nothing was really visible but I could just imagine walking through the campus in that environment. It would have helped if I had a special someone but I could just have stood there and taken in the magic. A glow was emanating from every object the rays touched. The magic was weaving a web around the small place and around me. When the lights came back on, the spell was broken but the effect remained with me.

It was, without doubt, one of the most beautiful sights a person could witness. When I was safely cocooned up in my bed, waiting for sleep to take over me, I imagined walking on the street of our campus, deserted with all the lights off and under the moon rays. A wonderful feeling bubbled up inside me, making me feel happy- a kind I haven’t felt for a long time. In my mind, I was dancing with someone, someone who didn’t love me in real and yet in that magical world of endless possibilities, he did. He doesn’t know how to dance but he was smiling and he was twirling me around. Anyone who would have intruded my thoughts would never think we were fit for each other but when he pulled me close and we were just swaying, the moonlight formed a light sheen around us. At that moment, he loved me and I loved him, and our eyes expressed it, his hands on my hips and my hands on his shoulders expressed it. It was the perfect night and I felt so safe that it broke my heart to believe that it was a dream.

This may be one of the most nonsensical blog posts I have written but I had to record this memory/dream somewhere. This vial is stored in my worded memory collection forever so that I can drop it someday in a pensieve, during rainy days, to blanket myself with happiness .

Sequel to a like letter

Dear Mr YRB,

It’s been a long time since I confessed something to you. Today I am again writing to you because I feel the need to tell you the truth. Recently it came to my notice that you are staring at me when I am not looking. When the offer came to you for standing up for the post of Literary and Debate Secretary in my opponent team, you didn’t take it. At first I liked to believe that it was because of me but then people said that you were in the MUN society so you were contract bound not to. And then yesterday, I heard you saying that you were not a part of the General council in MUN so you weren’t limited to participating in one event and still you didn’t take up the offer. From yesterday, the thought is haunting me that maybe the reason you did it was me. I don’t know why it is that I feel maybe you have feelings for me. It is probably a delusion of mine because it has been almost 7 months that I have been crushing on you and I see the thing I want to see. My friends don’t but…. They think that you are playing me. My best friend is pretty certain that you are a bastard who likes to play with people’s feelings. Every time she sees you looking at me or getting close to me, she wants to kill you with her bare hands. Only yesterday, she saw you staring at me and she wanted to go to a boxing ring and box her way through her anger. She just doesn’t understand why someone with no feelings would notice someone so much. It’s not clear to me too. There are two sides of me when it comes to me- one says that you are the dark masquerading as the light and the other says you are actually my salvation appearing as my sin. One part of me says that you have feelings for me, real ones like the butterflies-in-your-stomach-fairytale-love kind of feelings. The other part tells me that you are the devil in the angel’s disguise, feeding on my childish fantasy of seeing you for the person I think you are- a broken, maybe misguided shell of a person who I want to see smile all the time, with the smile reaching his eyes. You have to know that you look amazing while smiling and maybe people don’t notice you or think you are handsome, but I do and the only reason is your eyes and your smile. I fear though I am getting off track and the reason I am telling all this is that all my feelings are bottled up inside. I cannot even share this with my friends because they hate you.

Why can’t you tell me who you are- a guy who wants a chance, a real chance or a guy who wants a play toy.

Why can you not show me who you are?

Why can you not tell me what you feel about me and put me out of my misery because even if you don’t love me, a small part of me will always belong with you?

You don’t have anything to lose and I have everything to lose.

My friend told me that if I am so much fond of you, I should have the confidence that I can make you fall in love with me, madly deeply and truely or else move on but how can I force someone to feel the same thing I am feeling for him? The answer is I can’t. All I can do is admire you from a distance and hope that maybe one day, when it’s not too late, you would see me as the right one.

I think for today I will be signing off but if you read this, give me a sign, something…anything…

 

The like letter

Hello Mr. YRB,

I know for sure that you will not be seeing this letter even though it is literally my declaration to the world. Today I have this crazy urge to tell you how I really feel about you and it is absolutely bonkers admitting my feelings when you wouldn’t return them in a thousand years (if we ever lived that long). I would just be wasting my time like I am doing now, pining away after someone who doesn’t look at me the same way I look at him. This has not yet descended to love so I am not entirely doomed but I have to tell you the way I feel about you is entirely ridiculous, given that I don’t know you, nothing about you. When I first met you, you were looking dapper in a suit and giving out the most ridiculous unrealistic ideas I could ever hear for a concept that was based on stark reality. I hated the way you talked and I never thought about you. You were just another face in the crowd in the college. However something happened some time ago and I started noticing you- the way your face lit up when you smiled or joked with your friends, the way you were so clearly passionate about the stream you had chosen. And then the most extraordinary thing happened- our eyes met and I was a goner for you. I felt like I could stare at you and still not understand why they attracted me so much. And that was the beginning of my feelings- something in your eyes made me feel like you were calling out for help and I wanted to protect you from whatever that was being the reason of the pain that was haunting you. Something in your eyes made me want to look at you more but I couldn’t, I can’t. I still ignore and just sneak in passing glances because I can’t risk getting lost in your eyes, not when I know I am not even worth a chance.If someone takes your name or you speak up in class, my heart skips a beat and I have no freaking idea how to react to that. I know you have gone through a bad time and someday, you will meet your soulmate and learn to love again with your heart wide open. I am not afraid to admit I wish it was me. I wish you saw something in me that you would give me a chance to be with you and make you happy. I know I am not attractive and I am no good in studies, at least like you but I do think that I am good enough to be with someone like you. I don’t like dressing up and putting makeup on, like typical girls but I would never cheat on you, use you or be a bitch about difficult situations. My birthday is on the 7^th of December, which happens to be my favourite month because I am one of those lunatics crazy about Christmas, tinsel lights, and cuddling up on the couch watching a movie with a hot cup of coffee to keep you warm and toasty. I am an introvert bookworm with a penchant for fairytales, romance novels, dancing in the rain and a healthy dose of fantasy. I don’t know why I am talking so much nonsense but the words are just flowing out and its coming from my heart to yours, if you are reading this. I know you rejected me twice and it absolutely makes no sense why I am even hung up on you because it’s not like guys think I am relationship material. As a girl, your disinterest should encourage me to move on but somehow I can’t. Somehow I still find my eyes drawn to you at least once a day and remembering you when I go to sleep. Don’t worry I am not going to stalk you because I know when to back off and admire from afar. When I sum up my feelings, I don’t find a word for it because what I feel for you is more than like and less than love. I will try my best to forget you but if you are reading this, by any fortunate or unfortunate accident, I do want to tell you that I hope you get every happiness in the world because you deserve it and any girl who gets you is a very lucky girl that she has got your heart. Another reminder that if you ever need somebody to talk to, I will always be right here waiting for you. I think I have babbled too much and I should sign off but try to not judge me, I am just a poor girl who wants to be noticed by the guy she is a sucker for.

Thank you for being you. – The girl whose heart you have even though you are unaware of it….

A strange train(of thoughts)

It’s a beautiful day outside my window today. Light dark clouds have gathered over the sky above us and a steady but heavy drizzle of rain is pouring down, making me think about very strange things. I find myself wondering about a what if- What if every element in our nature was a person? It is an unusual question to think about but my imagination always gets me into troublesome places so once again I wander into an unknown territory.

I meet Rain, a handsome young man with the smile of an angel and his eternally wet locks of hair stamped on his forehead with water dripping from his thick grey coat makes him look very haphazard. He gives me a hug and picks me up to spin me around, drenching me in the process and I find myself laughing at his antics. Every hint of tension seeps out from my body, the water loosening the knots and muscles inside my body. I can see his anger simmering inside, the frown marring his beautiful face as he creates a flood out of his bare hands and unleashes it on whatever has incurred his displeasure. However, giving me a happy smile, he sweeps off to place his feather light touches to the green leaves that immediately seem to awaken under his ministration.

I meet Thunder, a huge and gruff beast who seems to grunt his complaints awfully loudly. His eyebrow is crooked eternally and he sits on the sky, muttering slowly under his breath. He is dressed in regal clothes and if he could smile, his countenance would be so pleasant but no sir, he will always be unsatisfied. At first his loud roar frightens me and I cower back but then I gather my courage and move towards him. A smile is there on my face as I sit down next to him, cross legged and listen to his incoherent gibberish for a little while. Suddenly he looks at me with his cloudy grey eyes and shouts out something very loudly so I squeeze his hand and walk away.

I meet the Sun, a glowing young guy who I suspect must have toned down his brightness or I would have been reduced to ashes just by staring straight at him. He has a smile pasted on his face forever but I could make out his shy personality as he withdrew his hand quickly from mine when we shook hands. Behind his ember eyes, sadness was visible once you got through the fake illusion of happiness. He was happy but something was troubling him deep down and when I asked him about it, he gave me a single sentence answer. “I am in love.” And then I noticed- he was looking at someone almost the entire time I was in front of him.

Walking towards the direction he was looking I came upon the Moon. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever encountered in my whole life. A pearly sheen of white light covered her white gown as a cloak and she was sitting on her knees. She looked so heartbroken that I had to sit in front of her and clasp her cold pale hands. She looks up at me, transparent tears rolling down from her scary white orbs and starts to sob harder. I couldn’t think of anything except- I hugged her, stroking her bright white hair and humming a tune under my breath so that only she could hear. Rocking her, I carried on holding her until her cries quietened down. She lifts her head and with her hands in mine, like before, she meets my eyes. “Every night he dies for me, he dies to let me breathe and I can never be united with him. I love him so much but our paths will never cross and I have to spend my lifetime, alone, with him chasing after me, both of us knowing we will never be together.” I can’t help but shed a tear at the tragedy as I mutter a heartfelt, “I am sorry.” And then she smiled at me through her watery eyes, her beauty magnifying ten times. She wrapped me to her, under her cloak of rays, and I felt warmth- not burning hot but lukewarm, the kind you feel when you are sitting cuddled up in a blanket with a coffee cup in your hands in front of the fireplace when the snow falls outside in Christmas. The last thing she says to me before letting me go is, “I will always be there to listen for such a dear friend like you. Send me your thoughts and I will comfort you with my mellow rays.”

I meet Lightning, a small but sprightly young girl with purple pixie cut hair and a restless spirit that could only rival my own. I smile at her and she waves to me, jumping from one place to another. She has the cutest ballerina shoes which changes colour from purple to white on and she wears a crooked hat that looks like the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter without the slit which suits her perfectly with the long elfin ears she has. As I stop in front of her, she motions for me to come closer and as I do, she gives me a kiss on my cheek that sends small electric tingles down to my toes. A quirky smile later, she is gone, jumping at random intervals.

 I meet Wind who does not have a proper form but when he stands in front of me behind a tornado of air, I could make out a mischievous face with a smirk on his face and glassy eyes that seemed to shine with wickedness. Slowly I could see a suit clad body but that was all I could see before he started to play with my hair and tickling me in all the right places. I start laughing like I have never before and he starts to spin me around, pulling my arm around his shoulders. Everything starts becoming blurry and I feel more alive than I have ever felt with my heart beating fast like I am in a roller coaster. As we slow down and my laughs reduce to a smile, I feel a small gust of air touching my cheeks as he leaves his fingerprints all over my heart.

I meet Forest next on my way. She stands in a beautiful gown of the deepest green found on Earth, her eyes emerald and her hair the colour of muddy brown like the Earth, resting on her shoulder in wild curls like her untamed heart. Behind her I could see a small glimpse of the various trees and plants under her domain. Then I notice a small shard of glass in her hand. She cuts her wrist and brownish red blood falls on the ground. Crystal green tears from her eyes mix with the blood and it mixes into the ground. She looks up at me before putting the shard to her hand again and says in a husky voice, “Please stop.” I couldn’t understand at first but then I did. I wish I could convey to her that it was not me failing her but the whole of mankind. If you could have seen the unfathomable pain in her green irises, you would have dropped your axe and got down to your knees, so powerful is her unspoken agony.

As I am jerked out of my imagination, I think it is time I stopped recording my thoughts. I have no reason at all to dream about weird things like these but I can thoroughly say, after my experience, I would not be friendless if the elements of Nature were people. I would have the truest friends on this Earth and I know now, that I just have to go outside to be with them. Now I know that I am never alone, my very best and truest friends are with me whenever I need them. All I have to do is believe.

A dose of fantasy

Sitting in front of my laptop and with a new blank document open in my Microsoft Word, I have no idea of how to start this blogpost. I have so much to say but the words all get mixed up and all that is left are thoughts running around in my mind- incoherent, nonsensical thoughts. One of my friends, a few days ago asked me, “You are a girl who is 20 years old. How is it that your laptop is filled with only old Disney movies and fairytales?” At that time it stung a little in my heart but somewhere in between then and now, I had time to really think over this question. It is odd for a girl like me, living in the 21^st century, studying engineering and all the time reading about machines, to harbour belief in fiction and fantasies. Part of me would like to blame the movies and TV series that prey on humankind’s fascination with anything unknown to them, be it paranormal activity or anything mysterious. The other part of me would like to lay blame on the books that I have grown up reading- most of it fantasy and the rest varying from mystery to mostly romance. However much I try to pass off the blame to other sources, the truth is I have felt like this since as long as I could remember. If there is ever a connection that I have formed in my whole lifetime, it’s with these books, these fairytales. It’s not because they show us dragons or werewolves or evil queens, it’s because it talks about concepts like honour, valour, true love, sacrifice. These concepts are not present in this world, however much I want to believe they are. All that is present are mind games, manipulation, deceit, love that is materialistic or fuelled by lust. Wherever I see, there are tall buildings of steel and the grimness of the society it represents. The world passes by so fast that you are not left with a choice but to move with it. In the fairytales, people act out of honour. They do the things that are right, even if that means they have to deal with sacrifice along the way. These characters teach us that the most powerful magic in this world is true love, whether it be towards your family or it be towards your lover. They teach us that dragons are not just real, dragons can be beaten. They teach us when the world is bleak with darkness and hopelessness, you have to find that tiny ray of good and follow it because in the battle of dark and light, light always wins. They teach us that life is full of hardships but if you are always honourable and kind, your happy ending shall always find you. They teach us that if you do not have a happy ending, your story is not over. They teach us that the hole in your heart, the void that can never be filled is not a reason to take up the path of evil but the very reason you should turn away from that closed door. These fairytales are a reality that I still believe in and I always will. I have understood that being this different from others my age is not a crime and maybe one day, this will be my downfall in this world, disbelieving of magic but maybe someday I would be able to change the world. Maybe someday I would be able to bring back the simplicity and the truthful way people used to talk. Maybe one day, the honour that used to exist would find its way back into the cold metal surrounding this world. And till that day, I shall and will continue to be a believer because somewhere I read, “The Universe loves a believer.”

Burst in flames, Reborn from the ashes

I have dedicated some posts before to people who mean something to me. Some of them, I have read truely and the others, I have made mistakes like when reading a book and through that, reading a word wrong so that the whole sentence does not make any sense. This post is dedicated to someone with whom my relationship has gone through fire- like a phoenix, we have gone down in flames and from the ashes, a new stronger relationship has bloomed. This one goes out to you, my brave, strong little Phoenix ( you got a new nickname… Tell me how you like it.)

When I came in my first year to my college, I was afraid because I had always been an introvert- someone who did not have many friends and the ones she had were close to her or as close as she let them get. My father always advises me to interact more with people, socialize but it rarely happens with me that I keep an acquaintance- it always becomes deeper and emerges out to be a fragile on the inside but strong on the outside friendship. However I was filled with excitement too because I was heading head first into a world I had seen nothing  before. I knew I was going to have a memorable time and I had somewhat accepted it in my heart to live with the bad memories as well as the good ones. The first day, I went to class I remember meeting this girl- in this purple kurti and purple leggings who was incidentally heading to the same class as I was and she was looking equally lost as I was.

When I went to class I found out she was there as well. I do not remember the details, forgive my hazy no good memory but I do remember you, my Phoenix- you were one of the first people I talked to. I will tell you the honest truth, you looked sad and lonely to me when I first met you- you looked like the weight of the whole world was on your shoulders and even when you smiled, it looked   forced somehow. We started talking and it was like boom, there was a connection. Slowly we revealed our layers and shared stories and I honestly miss the nights we stayed up just talking about our lives and families. With time I saw the real smile on your face and I could see the way your face lit up when you talked about something you love. I remembered when you talked with me about your family and I felt like taking at least some of your pain away. You know, we are all damaged inside but with us, it felt like our pieces came together in a design to make us whole. You had your demons and I had mine but we both learnt to live with them together.

The first time I saw you angry was when you said you would slap me if I did not go. That was the first time I really was shocked and it brought tears to my eyes. I know your temper is very sudden and like a volcano, when it erupts the waves destroys a whole civilization. I did not expect this magnitude but that day you were a stranger to me. I could not recognize you within that tempest of anger. I made mistakes and I am sorry for hurting you, for the million things I did or did not do, the words I said or did not say. I still remember crying over our broken friendship when the condition came to such an extent that I could not even look at you without tears coming to my eyes. We both were to blame for our faults but still I could not completely let go of you.

After I came back from the holidays and you called me upstairs, the first time we talked after 3 to 4 months of not talking at all, I was relieved and I was ecstatic because I had got you back in my life. Even though we had to keep this in the down low and still have to, I just want to say you are important to me. I am sorry but I think you are stuck with me eating your pretty little head almost all your life. I can not let you go and although I think you are better off without me, I love you like my own sister and I can not say goodbye to my sister. With you, I become free and you are the closest to getting to know me as I am and without judging me. You know most of my dirty little secrets and I know most of yours. You make me a better person and I thank you for everything you do, everything you are in my life. I thank you for being there for me when I need you though I cannot say the same for the other way around and I am sorry for that. I thank you for handling my crazy and adding your own insanity to paint our canvas, our story colourful. I thank you for knowing just what I need and deeming me worthy of being the person you come to when you are in the dumps. I thank you for being you, the strong beautiful little phoenix that you are.

Tribute to the dying race

I haven’t posted something in a long time and that is why I guess I was getting this impatient feeling in me. I have so many things to reveal here but I guess I have to make do with one topic for now. Today I want to dedicate this post to someone. Let’s call you Mr. D. This post goes out to you because I need you to know that you are important for me. It might seem to you that I do not care at all, you mean nothing to me. This is the ultimate way I can tell you what you mean to me because you as well as I know, truth comes out of me when I write. So today, I write- I love you and I will always. I love the way you care about me and everyone else. I love the way you try to ignore the pain inside you and revel in making everyone else smile. I love the way you think, not the way typical Indians do and the way you try to change the world by trying to change the thoughts. I love the way you love animals. I love the way you talk to plants and animals because they are constant listeners and do not judge you like people do. I love the way you put yourself into the thing that you are passionate about. I like how you don’t get affected by criticism and when someone says something negative about you, you think and then if necessary you try to change. You love and when you do, you love whole heartedly.

I don’t like how you self harm whenever you do think you hurt anybody or even when you are frustrated. I do not like how you always emotionally blackmail when things do not go your way. I know things go your way rarely but sometimes you should try to see the positive part of it. Drinking or smoking it away is never a solution. The part I hate about you most is the way you hate yourself. One day you will understand that the only person worth loving more than anyone else is yourself. You need to love your flaws and your strengths because it is the only thing that is truly yours. Nobody and nothing belongs to you except the body you were given, the heart that beats inside you and the thoughts coursing through your mind like the blood through your veins.

If you are reading this, I know it will sound crazy to you but please try and love yourself. It is not a hard task but it is a long and difficult one but I can promise you that the results are worth travelling the road.

I had a good day

I have never been an adventurous person in my life though I dare say, I have been aware of the passion simmering inside me. A day before, I went somewhere I had never been before- a carnival fair. The place was so alive I could feel the electricity even in the coldest of winters. Colours splashed everywhere and people looked happy with real smiles in their faces. It was like the flower that blooms through the snow and persists. It had a giant wheel and other rides with candy floss and shops for eating with our famous panipuri shops. It had magic shows with loudspeakers, side by side, competing with each other for more customers. It had target shooting which was tried out by someone close to me. I should not say this but somehow, not for the first time in my life, I saw a contented smile in his face even though he tried hard to hide it. I know somewhere he was happy for real and that was just one of the many things that made me smile that day.

The rides were a whole another experience. The one I will always remember is a weird contraption in the shape of a peacock’s back that was like a glorified swing. It rose higher and higher every stroke it came back and forth and slowed down. You could actually feel your feet leaving the ground with every time it rose and so does your heart. I actually could feel my heart beat fast, almost about to come out my throat when the ride was plummeting down after every high rise. I felt like laughing then because I never wanted to stop the way I felt. It was like I was flying in air and I did not care if I reached the ground alive. I did not feel afraid and I never wanted to stop feeling my heart beat so fast like a drum roll. I wanted to scream out loud and laugh constantly because I was so bloody happy then, something I had never felt for a long time. I loved that side of mine and I know now I crave that feeling now and I will. It is what will drive me mad and keep me sane at the same time. I know now, I am passionate and I just don’t know how much but I am waiting to discover it. I am looking forward to that journey I will make soon.

Yesterday, I noticed someone. If it was not for my brother in college, I would not have noticed him. He was not anything special but I think I have a weakness for leather jackets and million dollar smiles. He was wearing a brown leather jacket and due to my very nice friends teasing me constantly I took a good look at him. He is thinner than most guys, no muscles to be impressed with. What made me look twice was his smile and his jacket. I saw that he was tenacious and he has passion for something that never ever got into my head and still does not. He works hard and does not give up until he fully understands or finishes with a problem. It was nice seeing him smile and its not like I am in love with him but its a good feeling when our eyes met.

All in all, I had a good day for two days.

Seeing me through him

Before I start to say anything about this post of mine, first off, I should make one of my traits known. Anyone who knows me would know that my life is centred around words. Words run in my blood and eloquence as well as sometimes stumbling, simplicity as well as adorned, big as well as the smallest, unusual and foreign words seduce me like anything. I believe in words more than actions. Anyone who is close to me, I always expect them to be frank and honest with me. I want them to become storytellers like I am. A mean word can cut me deeper than a knife ever can. A word of praise can make my smile turn brighter than it usually is. I know that I smile like a fool when I see and hear a guy (usually in movies and books, duh) profess his love to the girl and anyone in the modern world would say they are cheesy but I love them. The way they say, “You complete me”, “You have bewitched me, mind and heart and soul and I love, love, love you”, “I do not know how you did it but you have my heart in your hands and I could not think of any other person who I would want to give it to” is completely mesmerizing and if someone proposed to me with half as much as sincerity and heart in their words, I would run up to him and kiss him on the lips and never let him go. The bottom line, nothing could affect me more, make me cry or make me laugh than words.

Anyways I fear I have drifted off the topic I meant to write about but last night I had an encounter, well not a real one, but a dream one that I will always remember. Usually I do sleep dreamless but yesterday, something happened and I learnt a lesson.

I was standing in the middle with heavy fog swirling around me, making my environment invisible to me. A gentle wind was playing with my open hair and I was wearing something I don’t remember. Suddenly, in a split second everything turned black and I could not see anything. I could feel a presence but I couldn’t pinpoint an exact location where it was. It was like I was surrounded by the strange comfort but I was scared like hell because I am afraid of darkness. After a little while I could hear a voice, a low but very masculine voice, “Do not be afraid. I will not harm you.” I could feel a shiver running down my body but it was so unbelievably soothing.

I quaked a little before asking, “Who is this?”

The answer came back. “I am surrounding you but I cannot see you. Can you describe yourself?”

I scoffed, because I do not know how you would react but I do not consider myself pretty or any part of my body being worth mentioning.

I replied to him, “Nothing special to describe.”

The voice replying back was polite and smiling as if he knew something. “Can I see for myself?”

I was shocked and did not know what to do. Before I could reply, I could feel something, some form of hand extending itself to the level of my hands. It was like I was drugged when I felt my own hands moving to touch his. I could not feel much except something grasping me.

The hands leaving mine after a second started its journey on my forehead and continued on to my closed eyes, then my nose and then my lips. “You have a smattering of freckles over your skin, don’t you? Long eyelashes with a little more than average stuck up nose, lips that are just perfect and curving up in a smile now, I am sure.”

Then the hands travelled down my arms and stopped at my hands, spreading them open palm up. “You have small fingers but smooth. You have a caring touch but your hands are cold, not the biting cold but a warm cold. Someone deprived of a loving touch would kill for a touch like yours to soothe them.”

The hands came to rest on my hips but did not move from there. “You have curves just like a complicated road and I am sure someone in this world is dying to unravel your secrets.”

Suddenly, out of the blue I was dancing with this unknown presence and I was free. I could feel him smiling and somehow I could feel his happiness coursing through me. I was cocooned up in a warm blanket of safety and peace when I woke up this morning.

You must be thinking, what lesson is there to learn from this? But I did learn something. Whoever or whatever was in my dreams taught me to see myself from someone else eyes and I will never forget what he said to me- everything about my hands and face and body because I know I am beautiful but I also know now that for sure that everyone who loves me sees me in the same way the body-less voice did and it may sound weird but I learnt it last night- I am beautiful and that voice inside my head will always tell me I am, whoever says it or not.

Frustratingly normal

If my life was a book, the title would be the title of this post of mine. When I was made, “God” thought it would be funny to mix oodles of imagination and fantasy in me. Mix with that very little amount of practicality, an urge to be extraordinary, a restless heart and belief in words, you get- voila, ME. I absolutely loathe that if my life was ever made into a book, it would have no pages because I do not have stories to tell. Given the fact that I weave stories in my mind and sometimes I wish I was in a story, it is pretty sad that the only stories in my life worth telling are the ones I make up on my own. Nothing in my life is exciting anymore and that is probably the reason I am always so restless. This, I am sure is the reason that I do not like the world the way it is. I would probably fit really well in that parallel universe where there are kingdoms and vampires and werewolves and magic. I do not like the fact that nobody can make me believe that the unreal things in this world like magic and the stuff cannot be real. Even if the Pope comes and tells me to stop believing in fairytales or the Queen offers me the Crown if I stop being so confident of the fact that everything in our imagination is actually real, I would still refuse to shake my faith in those things that make me happy. This is why I am never content with my life and my heart always behaves like a spoiled little brat all the time. You may think that that is a bad trait but I do not really care because as long as I have the hope and the urge, I will be me.